TIME FOR YOU

As soon as you get into work you hit the ground running and start smashing through your to-do list.  Before you know it it's lunchtime but you don’t have time to eat.  Perhaps you send someone to get lunch for you to eat at your desk.  Something easy that you can wolf down quickly while you carry on working at your computer.  By this point you’ve pretty much been sitting in the same position for the last 5 hours, bar a couple of quick sprints to the printer.   

 But you are flying, the adrenaline is pumping, this is how you work best.  And then an email lands like a bombshell, someone questioning your work, why things have been done a certain way, or not and suddenly your stomach lurches.  You feel a sick cold creeping dread.  You freeze.  You must not be seen as incompetent.  You must not be seen to fail.  You rack your brains pedalling furiously back through your work to check that the mistake is not yours.  Please let someone else be to blame. 

Thankfully, this time, you realise that it’s OK, it was someone else who dropped the ball, and not you, this time.  Time for a coffee, although by now your nerves are jangling already but you need to push through till the end of the day.  

By the time you get home there is nothing for it but to slump in front of the tv.  Watching something that requires no thought, something soothing that you can zone out and fall asleep to.  A fitful night’s sleep.  Semi-conscious, anxiously scrolling through your to-do list for tomorrow.  Until the alarm goes off.  To get up and start it all again.  

If I hadn't snapped out of  this state I was in, things would only have got worse.  I wasn't taking care of myself at all.  I wasn't taking care of my health, my body, my mind.  

I thought that I had no time, but really, I didn't think that I was worth the time.